June 12
A Certain Sacrifice
I once thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless....
Philippians 3:7 (NLT)
I loved Alma; I really did. She was gracious and kind and a real lady. She also taught me a valuable lesson—one that took a couple of years to fully understand and appreciate. Alma, by the way, was my wife’s grandmother. She was in her late seventies when she told me about a sacrifice she had made for her marriage many years before. She didn’t want to do it, but she did it anyway. She learned to play golf!
Alma’s husband, Rudy, loved golf, and as a young woman, Alma decided she would not become a “golf widow.” When Rudy needed a golf partner to keep him company, she was a ready volunteer, and when they were in their eighties, I saw how it sealed their relationship and helped bond them tight. I didn't mention it earlier, but Rudy was a golf pro, at least part-time, and I still have the Osage Orange putter he made me (Osage Orange was the wood used by the Sioux for their bows—resilient, flexible wood). Well, anyway, Rudy won several local tournaments, rubbed elbows with the famous and had five holes-in-one to his credit. One was over 250 yards long!
Well, that’s all very interesting. Rudy loved golf, so what? Well, the so what is this: Alma loved Rudy. She also understood what it takes so many couples years to figure out: men and women have very different needs! The book His Needs, Her Needs spells out the top needs for husbands and wives and shows us just how far apart we are! Men need sexual intimacy, which is not the same as women’s need for affection. Communication is high on her list while having an attractive wife and a well kept home is high on his. She needs security, but guess what? He needs recreational companionship. Couples enter a win/win situation when they find ways to combine the two. I’ve learned taking a long, fast walk or hike with Kris while we talk energizes both of us, but I’m also finding there is a beauty and a goodness in sacrifice. When I can give up or lighten up on some of my needs to better focus on meeting hers, well, it’s like magic for the relationship. I sometimes struggle with this, but I am determined to slay this workaholic monster inside me. After all these years of marriage I finally realize, she needs more of my time and not less. This takes me back to dear Alma.
Alma made her sacrifices too. What was important to her man became important to her. I find it a unique contrast. To gain time with her husband and to show Rudy her love, Alma took up golf, but to gain time with my wife and to show her more love, I had to give up golf. Well, okay, not completely. I play once a year! It’s a great game, okay?
The building of solid, loving relationships begins when one person sees the other person as the priority and chooses to sacrifice. It seems love and sacrifice go hand in hand. I am constantly amazed by this universal truth: good things come our way when we willingly sacrifice our needs for the needs of others. Sacrifice ... it's a beautiful thing!
Lord God, You tell me to love my wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. Please, give me the strength and willpower to do this! Amen.
A Certain Sacrifice
I once thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless....
Philippians 3:7 (NLT)
I loved Alma; I really did. She was gracious and kind and a real lady. She also taught me a valuable lesson—one that took a couple of years to fully understand and appreciate. Alma, by the way, was my wife’s grandmother. She was in her late seventies when she told me about a sacrifice she had made for her marriage many years before. She didn’t want to do it, but she did it anyway. She learned to play golf!
Alma’s husband, Rudy, loved golf, and as a young woman, Alma decided she would not become a “golf widow.” When Rudy needed a golf partner to keep him company, she was a ready volunteer, and when they were in their eighties, I saw how it sealed their relationship and helped bond them tight. I didn't mention it earlier, but Rudy was a golf pro, at least part-time, and I still have the Osage Orange putter he made me (Osage Orange was the wood used by the Sioux for their bows—resilient, flexible wood). Well, anyway, Rudy won several local tournaments, rubbed elbows with the famous and had five holes-in-one to his credit. One was over 250 yards long!
Well, that’s all very interesting. Rudy loved golf, so what? Well, the so what is this: Alma loved Rudy. She also understood what it takes so many couples years to figure out: men and women have very different needs! The book His Needs, Her Needs spells out the top needs for husbands and wives and shows us just how far apart we are! Men need sexual intimacy, which is not the same as women’s need for affection. Communication is high on her list while having an attractive wife and a well kept home is high on his. She needs security, but guess what? He needs recreational companionship. Couples enter a win/win situation when they find ways to combine the two. I’ve learned taking a long, fast walk or hike with Kris while we talk energizes both of us, but I’m also finding there is a beauty and a goodness in sacrifice. When I can give up or lighten up on some of my needs to better focus on meeting hers, well, it’s like magic for the relationship. I sometimes struggle with this, but I am determined to slay this workaholic monster inside me. After all these years of marriage I finally realize, she needs more of my time and not less. This takes me back to dear Alma.
Alma made her sacrifices too. What was important to her man became important to her. I find it a unique contrast. To gain time with her husband and to show Rudy her love, Alma took up golf, but to gain time with my wife and to show her more love, I had to give up golf. Well, okay, not completely. I play once a year! It’s a great game, okay?
The building of solid, loving relationships begins when one person sees the other person as the priority and chooses to sacrifice. It seems love and sacrifice go hand in hand. I am constantly amazed by this universal truth: good things come our way when we willingly sacrifice our needs for the needs of others. Sacrifice ... it's a beautiful thing!
Lord God, You tell me to love my wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. Please, give me the strength and willpower to do this! Amen.
posted by Craig Soderquist at 2:04 PM
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