January 24

A Husband’s Cross

I command you to love each other in the same way I love you. And here is how to measure it—the greatest love is shown when people lay down their lives for their friends.

John 15:25 (NLT)


And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her….

Ephesians 5:25 (NLT)


Then Jesus said to his disciples, If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.

Matthew 16:24 (NKJV)


… shoulder your cross and follow me.

Mark 8:34c (NLT)



The other day I heard the most interesting thing. Someone pointed out only husbands are commanded to agape love ... not wives. They went on to explain the three Greek words for love—agape love which, is sacrificial love; phileo love, the friendship love; and eros, the erotic love—and how each was a part of the marriage relationship. But it’s only the husband who is commanded to agape love his wife. The wives are never commanded to do it. So, why are husbands commanded, “you husbands must love (agape) your wives”?

I’m convinced it's because we are so weak in this area. It’s not our strength, but it is a strength in our wives … they love us so much, it hurts. We guys are strong in other areas. This area, showing sacrificial love, is an effort.

That’s why it’s an order. Love is what the wife needs … but, typically, she doesn’t receive it. And this is when the problems start.

Now, I’m under conviction. God seems to be telling me, “love until it hurts … and then love some more!” So, I have been making a serious effort to follow my orders … to comply... and to really love.

So, what am I noticing?

As I begin to cut myself short, deny myself and take up her cause, as I shove my stuff aside to tend to her needs, to make her the priority, what's happened?

Well, guess what. She’s responding in ways I never imagined. As I have stepped it up a notch in this difficult area of sacrificial love, she has responded with her own love response AND shown me the respect I so crave as a man.

What was I doing? What was I sacrificing? Little stuff really. It was going to our son’s piano assessment instead of doing something I wanted to do. It was taking her out to lunch when I wanted to work through lunch in my study. It was taking the time to travel across town, pick up some 1 x 6s and fix the bed slats. Like I said, simple stuff.

But what made these simple things so powerful? It was the heart behind them. It was in taking the time to listen to her and be with her … and act on her account while, all the while, my day timer was screaming at me.

Yeah … it cost something. It seemed a little painful at times, but in reality, I have been rewarded beyond expectation. And because she responds to sacrificial love, I am a happy man!


LORD, thank You for this truth: Lose your life to find it. Help me bear this cross. Amen.